Kolkata : My love

Delhi not Kolkata has always been my city of dreams. I don’t know why. But when lady luck wanted me to study in Kolkata,in 2005, i could not refute. And so i landed in this city, which has become home for me now. In my previous posts i shared with you all my journey of life in this city in the last five years. I talked about my friends and food. Two pillars of my existence. What i did not talk about till now was my love life. Yes. Kolkata gave me my first love. A reason i love this city so much,

First love has been romanticized since the creation of humanity. That first drop of rain, the bookmarked poem in the book, countless chat sessions with the mirror. The red roses in the garden look so beautiful. The stars seem to shine brighter. Even the dreams seem seem to be centered around one person. That special person. The best feeling on earth. Love. First love. And the best part is you never realize when love has crept into your life. 

Love happened in my life too. Not any crush or infatuation. This felt special. The friendship was special. Love added to the glamour. There was no running around the bushes, no hand holding while cruising the city, no gift exchange, no Valentine’s day, no late night phone chat. There was just a feeling of completeness i never felt in my life! Just like the Durga idol is not complete without the earth from a red light area, just like the sky is not complete without clouds, just like rain is not complete without the “khichdi”. No, i did not want to kiss him, i did not want to sleep with him. I just felt assured when i was with him. 

The feeling of love comes with its own price. Side effects of the drug called love started showing themselves. The devil had dethroned reasoning and irrationality had taken over. Sweet days didn’t last long but sweet memories did. One sided love is a curse. And when you know that the other person knows that you love him but he cannot love you back the way you want him to, you can even try killing yourself  you have nothing else to do but wipe your tears.

Love. Comes in various forms. Not just my first love. I developed a special relationship with someone else during my post graduation. That has no name! Can it be love? Why not? I love him. I do. Can i spend the rest of my life with him? I don’t know. Can he spend the rest of his life with me? He does not know. Do we care for each other? Yes we do. I do not want to lose him. Through most of my darkest hours, he has been showing me the way through the tunnel with his torch. Then why can we not be one? Sigh. I do not know.

And now when i am about to wind up my life in this city, why does love want to make a come back in my life? Taking me back to my old days. That same old feeling? Old wine in a new bottle?

I watched the rain drop from the leaf
On the ground below…
I opened the book
And found that decomposing rose petal
I held it against the sun
It was shining yellow!

About Agnivo Niyogi

Typical Aantel, reader, blogger, news addict, opinionated. Digital media enthusiast. Didi fanboi. Joy Bangla!

Posted on July 21, 2010, in kolkata. Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Prerna Munshi

    Love is such an inexplicable feeling & you have described it so beautifully. Kudos! :):)


  2. @prerna thanx ๐Ÿ™‚


  3. Parmesh Rudra Joshi

    Superbly Expressed. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here Is Something I Wrote. :)"Love Is Not A Feeling.Love Is Not An Emotion.Love Is Not An Experience.Love Is Not An Idea Or Theory.Love Is Not AnythingThat Can Be Understood And Interpreted.Love Is What Love Is.And It Is Only Thing It Is."


  4. Beautiful. My post has become more beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚ @Rudra bhai


  5. You very well know my thoughts on gayism, which for sure, do not match with thoughts of yours. But, denying the fact, that you've compiled the 'First Love' thingy so beautifully, it will be sheer hypocrisy. We might have our own issues/thoughts regarding sexuality but this post is sheer lovable. #iLike


  6. @diablo :))) how sweet ๐Ÿ™‚ you see love should be separated from lust ans sex and everything becomes same ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. Aditya Nandode

    Those last lines, r they urs, the poem? Its excellent! On ur thoughts, emotional journey tend to ake one a long way!


  8. Wow! So beautifully expressed that u reminded me of my first love. Sigh… Yes, one sided love with a str8 guy is painful, but then u never decide who u fall in love with. It just happens.Btw, who is the one of ur post graduation days?


  9. @aditya yes they were written by me! in flat 2 minutes :)@sukhi i will text you later…..cant take names on public platform ๐Ÿ˜›


  10. Subham Dasgupta

    last paragraph tar ki onno kono maane chilo???r scratched out ta scratched out keno? kauke ki dekhate chas na?


  11. @bhamuu onno mane maney? amar mone hoi love is making a comeback in my life! seta not necessarily my first love! ufff etto insecurity keno? r ye! jeta kata seta katte hole ami delete kore ditam.strike off koreo rekhe diechi onno karone ๐Ÿ˜›


  12. Love happens..It should happen It is great that has happened to you and you are blessed you could express it…I love it.


  13. Subham Dasgupta

    first luv bolini…ami jigges korlam….oufff…ha katar maane ami jante chai…r tor sukhi post graduater naam jigges korche..mane ki undergraduate ta o jane?


  14. Subham Dasgupta

    r "kauke ki dekhate chasna " was a pun idiot!


  15. @bhamuu O ^.^


  16. memoirs of an unquiet mind

    very touching…u speak ur heart when u write…loved reading it a lot…


  17. @cgbalu thank you :)although i dont know whether i find myself that lucky!


  18. @anamus di thanx ๐Ÿ™‚


  19. siddharth chakraborty

    I Hate Love ๐Ÿ˜ Hail O Hitler *shows the Nazi Sign*


  20. @sid ROFL ROFL ROFL! Best comment! hahahahahaha


  21. Mujhe ye link nhi dia kisine, fir bhi mai pad lia…. "Kolkata : My love"…


  22. Traffic, pubs, malls, encounter strange people memories always cherished ..Very nice blog.. we all are so attached to the cities we aim to make it big for ourself. It goes same for every one of us. Kolkata, delhi, mumbai bangalore…


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