Perils of online dating
Posted by Agnivo Niyogi
I wish to share some experiences of my life with you all about something you all are aware of and probably use frequently. Online dating sites. Every one of us has a profile in the various online chat sites. And when we have time to kill we do indulge in some good chat with people there. Three years back I was so ignorant about these sites and now I am a frequent visitor. They are truly addictive. You just need to sign up and register and Kaboom….the world opens up in front of you. You get to meet so many people……good, bad and ugly.
Gay dating sites are plenty. And the varieties of people you come across there really make you feel you live in a big world. These people possess some general characters which makes it easy to classify them (being a student of biology I can never let go of this taxonomical pursuit) into three major classes.
Class I: Those who crave for sex. They have no qualms in admitting it is flesh that they are seeking and unabashedly display their assets for others to see.
Class II: The relationship maniacs. Right from puberty they seem to miss their better halves and are in an eternal search for the same. And mind you, they never find their match.
Class III: People like me. The rational. Not crazy about a relationship and neither in a hurry to drop the pants.
Let me make a confession. I trust people easily and have been cheated in the past. Social networking has never been my cup of tea. I made “friends” too quickly and too often, shared my number even with strangers in the first chat itself. And yes, I got many “friends” who wanted me as their boyfriend. Sigh….those were the days. But I decided to take these hiccups in my stride and went ahead with my quest of a perfect partner.
From my 3 year experience on the chat-o-sphere I can give you some tips which might prove handy at times of distress. Never trust a guy when he comes up with a proposal for relationship in the second or third chat itself. These are a different class of men who want to hoodwink you to bed promising you of lifelong companionship. There are typical phases in their “relationship”. In the first phase they talk of friendship. You will be told how your likes and dislikes match. Your inbox (both on the computer and phone) will be flooded with romantic messages. In phase two they will tell you how their lives changed after meeting you. How they are privileged to have met you and how in such a short time they have found a confidante in you. Then comes phase three when they will talk of nothing but you and how they cannot live without seeing you or talking to you every hour. You will have to bear the trauma of dating them almost 4 days a week (if you are lucky you could get away with 3 days). After dating you for about a month these guys, will much reluctance though, will let you know their secret desire of sharing the bed with you. You will be pleased to know that someone in this world spends sleepless nights fantasizing about your mighty tool (sorry for being gross). And every waking hour of your life will be filled with requests to make his life “complete”.
It is then you should realize what mess you have got yourself into (if you have not realized it yet). It is better you keep away from this class of men because all along this period you feel connected to this person (whether you want it or not). And when that man severs all ties and refuses to communicate (yes the same person who would not be satiated with a dozen phone calls a day) you do feel a tinge of sorrow in your heart! This is life.
I am of the opinion that those who openly indulge in flesh trade on these sites are in a way far better than these hypocrites. All that they crave for is sex and they are spineless to admit that. Promising to be your beau for life they indulge in flirting with other men too. Words cannot express the disgust I have for this behavior. But you learn from your mistakes and so did I. And I decided to share my experience with you all so that anyone who is a beginner here does not go through the “trauma” of relationships like I did.
Having said all that, I must also accept in the same breath that it is through these sites that I met many good friends whom I will cherish for life. Some bad fish earn the pond a bad name. And it is up to us to get rid of these fish.
P.S. The analysis and classification is purely based on personal experiences and you might not agree with the harsh pronouncements that I handed out to a certain class. But I hope you will agree with the spirit in which this article is written. And although i wrote only about gay dating, i believe the idea applies to any form of dating irrespective of sexuality. And i firmly believe online relationships do not last. no matter how real they might seem. It would also be opportune to admit that i have deleted all my profiles in any “dating” site as of now and the only “social networking” i am into is on Twitter.
This article was originally written for Gaylaxy and published in the September issue.