Long Distance Relationships : How To Make Them Work
Posted by Agnivo Niyogi
Love is a test. Of commitment, trust, integrity and fidelity. Saying those three magical words, we surrender a part of ourselves to the person we love. True love is beyond words. It transcends time, space and reality. However, the world we live in is hard core real. With the increasing pace of our lifestyle, it becomes necessary to express our feelings frequently. To make our presence felt to our loved ones. A text message, an unexpected gift, and a kiss…..a small little initiative can spice up our mundane lives.
It’s easy to love someone who is always by your side. Someone you can turn to whenever you need him, someone you can fight with, someone you know will be at home waiting for you. We, homosexuals, have been barred of that privilege too. Unless you are living in with your partner concealing your identities, this country, would never accept your love.
Long distance relations are scary for many of us. The idea of staying away from your partner acts as poison for many. Every second spent in absence of the dream man is a second wasted? It takes great mental strength and determination to embark on a journey that only a few tread. But hey, isn’t the “road not taken” supposed to reap fruits which the chosen ones don’t?
Like i said in the first paragraph of this article, true love transcends space. Distance is trivial when hearts are connected. But what sounds good in theory is unachievable in practice. Hence i wish to share with you a few tips on how to maintain a good long distance relationship.
Trust : The foundation of a relationship is the trust for your partner. Most often the critics of long distance relations say that partners get an excuse to cheat on each other. Well, it reminded me of a quote from a film by Satyajit Ray, “you do not need to stay abroad to forget Bengali”. Similarly one does not need to stay away from his partner to cheat on him. We are all actors on the stage of life. Lies, we can tell, without even batting an eyelid.
Never hide from your partner what you are up to. It’s not infringement of personal space. He has a right to know. If you come clean to him, no one in future can create any misunderstandings between the two of you. So whether it’s your hot colleague at work or the cool neighbour opposite your flat, share every detail of your heart with him.
Patience: The biggest fallacy of life is that we have no time for patience. We want everything stat. We expect we will snap our finger and a genie will deliver what we want in a platter before us. But a true relation needs time. Time is the best investment, which reaps us benefits in the future. Especially so in LDR, where you are away from your partner and need to exercise restraint on many fancies.
So, next time your partner does not answer your call; just wait for him to get back to you. If he is not available for a chat, know that he is busy. If you do not receive his texts, maybe he is out of balance. Do not rush. Just let destiny unfold its plans for the two of you.
Lust: This is the hardest part: controlling the carnal desires. Sex is an integral part of a relation. They say that friendship transforms into a commitment when you consummate your love. But it cannot form the base of a relationship. Neither can the lack of it be a reason to be perturbed.
We are no saints though. So the question remains how we control our worldly desires? It’s simple. Hand is your best friend. And eyes too. I hope this will ring bells in your heads. And remember, technology is so advanced that you don’t even need to be in the same room to kiss your man. And if the waters overflow and you are staring at an imminent flood, just call up the helpline number (read your boy friend) and channelize them for something productive. If you succumb to your weakness, never hide it from your beau. Trust me; being honest in matter of lust makes the bonds of love stronger.
Commitment: The most necessary ingredient to make a relationship work. Love is incomplete without commitment. You may like a hundred men but you love the one you commit to. Commitment is not just a word. It’s an unbreakable vow. And when you are away from your love, it becomes essential that you keep reminding yourself that you are committed. And spice up your life with small moments of joy that you can cherish later. Like, you can watch the same show on TV and share your thoughts through sms. Discuss work, domestic issues, politics or anything that interests the two of you. Just lead a normal life so that the distance never comes between the two of you.
There is no recipe for a perfect relationship. Everyone has their own tastes. So the addition of the spices that suit your taste will make your dish even better and palatable. This article is a collage of the personal experiences of yours truly. And he opines that his words will definitely strike a chord with the readers. So before bidding farewell to the writing desk, he wishes to use the opportunity to wish all the best to all the readers who live away from their beaus. Remember Tagore? “Ekla Chalo Re”.
[P.S. However simple the suggestions might seem, putting them to practice is difficult, the writer himself failed. :-)]
The article was first published in Gaylaxy Magazine. You can read it online here.