Stay With Me….. Forever
Videos going viral on social media is not a new phenomenon anymore; so, when i chanced upon this video by Steve Grand a few days ago on Facebook, i was blown away in a couple of minutes. Not because i am a country music fan, or Steve Grand is more drool-worthy than Imran Khan, but because the story touched a chord in my heart. There comes a time in every one’s life when you long for that special person; life seems meaningless without the company of that one man, the sight of whom is equivalent to the taste of a hundred roshogollas.
Love is a strange game. You are the chief player, you think you are in charge of the play, while the moves are macromanaged by love itself. Floating like a rudderless ship, with just the happy thought of being driven by a captain, who you know would never let you drown; you keep sailing, immersed in the beautiful sensation of belonging to someone, madly absorbed in the quasi-real world of happiness. First love is always special, for it comes just once; lucky are they who can continue the relationship for a lifetime.
Luckily, for me, i was not bereft of these emotions – having savoured the fruit of love for the first time, the young spirit in me lived a boisterous life of companionship, believing it to be the gospel of life. Sadly, in India, almost a decade back, the awareness about same-sex relationship was in an abysmal state, and i couldn’t confide in my feelings to anyone – not even the person i was madly in love with. I was living in a happy state of denial, pretending to be the best friend, killing a thousand dreams within.
Friendship is unadulterated. The only other relation that can compete in piety with friendship is the bond between a mother and her child. Looking back in time, i am proud to have kept that sanctity of friendship alive, by living a thousand deaths every moment i spent with him – on the phone, eating out or simply while mindlessly exploring the alleys and bylanes of South Kolkata. But being a guy of my age, the hormones act corny at times, and the surge of emotions often became too hot to handle.
From the occasional outbursts to the tremendous bouts of possessiveness bordering on the OCD – one might look back and giggle and say “those were the days”, but he managed it all so calmly, without ever letting the ties of friendship slacking a bit. Then one fine morning, when the cup finally slipped before reaching the lip, the rejection was too harsh. The fact that he desired women, and no interest in me, save harmless friendly attraction, was too hard for me to swallow. Buoyed by an year and a half worth of companionship, i had started living in a dreamland of my own – the glass palace had to crumble.
7 March 2007 it was. The cat was out of the bag. I finally “came out” (i never fathomed the importance of it). The feeling of being able to afford someone who can share my own secret world with came at a costly price. I earned a friend for a lifetime, at the altar of my first love.
Life moves on, and sure it makes a circle. For me, it completed two revolutions, i guess. With no hopes whatsoever, i am eternally optimistic of getting third time lucky. Just like Steve Grand, the heartbreak in All American Boy did get followed by a boisterous celebration of love in Stay.
Let’s see what life has in store for me – lemons, oranges or a pitcher of beer, topped with beef steak!
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