Pages from the past

“Coming Out” is a dreaded word in every gay’s dictionary. Whenever we meet someone from our community we ask “Are you out to your parents?” Articles are written in newspapers. Magazines devote pages to coming out issues! It definitely is a big deal for us.

I always believed, and still believe that we don’t need to “come out”. Why do we need to scream to the world about our preferences? Does a guy having the hots for a girl need to do so? Why us? In the same breath I thought why not? Why should my friends think I love girls when I don’t? Why would my Ma spend harrowing times searching for a bride for me? Isn’t it imperative that everyone should know the “truth” about me?

This dilemma remained with me for the first two decades of my life. I was confused, scared and puzzled. One half of me wanted to scream from the roof top about my sexuality, the other stopped me due to social apprehensions.

Cut to 2007. It was February. We were having an adda. Or was it truth or dare? We were all talking about our love lives; I had lied to everyone that day about having a crush on a school mate who belonged to the fairer sex. That day when I came back home, I was ridden by guilt! I felt I committed a crime. I decided I would one day “come out” to these people. And I would make sure they would not have problems with my preferences.

 

March 7 2007: I had gone to Bhamuu’s home to study together for our upcoming examinations at college. It was quite natural. I visited his house very often, he was the one with whom I spent most of my waking hours chatting or hogging or just “sharing the silence”. On countless occasions before I had tried to talk to him about my sexuality. But that fear of losing a friend in him kept me away from doing that task. I don’t know what gave me the strength that day; I confessed my love for him “as a matter of fact”ly while studying. He was shocked, that was obvious. But he did not let that ruin our friendship. Bham (and in due course of time others) never had any issue with my sexuality. It seems I had underestimated my friends. And I am proud of them.

I do not think post coming out anyone ever scorned me or ridiculed me for my choices. Rather we always had our own “personal” jokes about my liking for menJ. Those are and will always be sweet memories for me.

People suspected my gaiety though. My extreme intimacy with Bham, my fathomless sympathies for victims of homophobic violence, my “non participation” in discussion about girls made my friends suspicious of ”foul play”. Even after coming out to them, some were confused about me. On one hand they had Agnivo – the enthusiastic  Physiopal who was always there to help and on the other they had Agnivo – self proclaimed homosexual. Like Sumitash wrote in my autograph diary: “I stood there as a doubting dimwit”. Sayan and Sumitash had their reasons to be hesitant. I never hid my likeness for them 🙂 But again in Sumitash’s words: “repeated assurances from many brought the wit back to my head and drove away all clouds of doubt”.

People say coming out is a big deal. It has many stages: Coming out to parents and relatives, coming out to friends, coming out to the world out there. According to this categorization I guess I qualify for the second one. I am not sure when I will come out to my parents and my family. Definitely I will. Someday I have to. But till then I do not mind keeping this little secret from them. As for the last part, my blogs, tweets and articles in Gaylaxy are enough for any intelligent man to guess that I am Gay. I do not want to go from pillar to post to tell them about my gaiety!

Coming out : a big deal?

The world is going gaga over a certain man.He has been trending on twitter post his “coming out” with his sexuality.One part of the human race welcomed his decision to share with the public,his sexuality while a large section of the multitude ridiculed his artistic caliber because of the declaration.We all know who i am talking about.Yes,its Ricky Martin.

“I am a fortunate homosexual” said the pop sensation and teen heartthrob in his blog.His fear kept him away from making it known to everybody that he loves men.That brings us to a bigger question.What is “the fear”? Why do some people have to tell others “I am gay”, why cant everyone just be happy in their lives.Why make a big deal of “coming out”???

Have we ever heard of any celebrity announcing “i am straight”? No! Do we expect them to talk about their sexual life in public? No. But then why do we have the same expectations from seemingly “homosexual” men?

For me coming out is a trivial issue! Its my life.I may like anyone.I may share my bed with anyone.That should not be a cause of concern for any third person.I do not need to scream from the roof top that i like men.Neither do i need to wear my sexuality on my sleeves.

For me just referring to the preferences during a casual chat over coffee with friends would suffice as coming out. I do not need a blog or TV interview or for that matter any platform to declare to the world that i am “a fortunate homosexual”. At the end of the day what matters is what i am not who i love(or want to share my life with). For me Ricky Martin is the singer who gave us “Maria” or “cup of life” not a “fortunate homosexual”.

But yes he does give hope to millions out there who might feel “yes,we are not alone”.

This is for them who have been struggling all these years against all odds to prove to the society “we are no different than you are”.

Signing Off….